I know this post is
supposed to be on writing insecurities but this week I could just as easily
write about painting insecurities—the principles are the same. These past few
days, I've spent a lot of time studying the portrait of Marlena I just
completed, and I really love her. I captured the innocence and beauty of her
character, and so by that standard, the project was a success. I feel good
about it—really good...until...I look at Pascal Gentil's painting*...now my
painting lacks luster and well, I begin to realize what an amateur I
am...Please don't misunderstand; I'm not slamming my own work, and I'm not
begging for reassurance. I'm simply being realistic. (Yes, I promise to get
that short-term Empowerment Therapy!)
...This is where the
writing analogy comes in...
I feel really good about
my novels, until I start comparing them. It might be my story line or
characters or the actual writing—doesn't matter. As soon as I put someone
else's writing beside mine, the first thing I notice are the flaws in my own
work. If I can, I go back to the drawing table/keyboard and make improvements.
That's fine! But more than likely, I'll only be indulging my propensity
for overworking a project—it's the paper, scrubbed and so saturated
with paint and water that it begins to peel. It's
the never-ending edits and revisions, tweaking characters to the
point that they scream, "Get off me!"
At some point I have to
say, this is mine, it's complete and I own it and I love it for what it
is, in spite of the flaws. This is such a basic concept—the earlier
in life we learn it, the better. Comparing ourselves—our life, our work, our
progress or lack of it, our dreams and expectations—to anyone else is
counterproductive. It's easy to justify comparison as that which
spurs us to greater achievements, and sometimes it does, but such a shaky
foundation leaves us too vulnerable. We will constantly need external
reassurance and will always be standing on the edge of that slippery slope of
mental/emotional malaise.
Just say NO to
comparisons! "Get off me!"
This post is part of
the Insecure
Writer's Support Group, sponsored by Alex J. Cavanaugh.
* Edited to say that I just found Pascal Gentil's Website only to discover his "painting" is in fact a digitally enhanced photograph, which takes a great deal of talent and in no way diminishes my esteem of his work. Oh my, how I'd love to paint many of his subjects! And in a way, it makes me feel all the better about my work.
* Edited to say that I just found Pascal Gentil's Website only to discover his "painting" is in fact a digitally enhanced photograph, which takes a great deal of talent and in no way diminishes my esteem of his work. Oh my, how I'd love to paint many of his subjects! And in a way, it makes me feel all the better about my work.
I think that owning our work for what it is, flaws and characteristics and layers and all, is what makes it unique. It's just those things that set it apart. There's always some element of vulnerability in art too, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteJoanne, You are so right about what makes our own work unique--every work of art is 'flawed' in its peculiar way. For me, the bigger part of creating art--be it painting or writing--is vulnerability...putting it out there and being happy with it no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI like your painting more. Of course I don't know anything about paintings. I do make a point to avoid comparing my writing to other peoples, although other people compare it on their own. Its an easy way to make a connection, or description. Its so much easier to say its like x rather than to describe it in its own right.
ReplyDeleteIts a hard trap to fall into and a harder one to get out of.
Sara, You know enough about painting to know what you like, lol!
ReplyDeleteI never thought of comparisons in a '3rd person' sort of way--being compared to someone else. Even good comparisons can set one up for disappointment (we can all get inflated egos at times--that's always a bad set-up!)
Thanks for stopping by :)
I don't even agree with therm "flaw." Just because something is different, or even not as good, doesn't make it flawed. Just different. It's the differences that make things unique.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, there's no doubt that that's a much healthier way to view it! Thanks for the perspective! :)
ReplyDeleteComparison is the most evil thing ever created I think. I love the perspective. New follower!
ReplyDeleteTasha, thanks for stopping by!
ReplyDeleteI think genocide is probably more evil, but comparisons are definitely at the top of the list, 'cause lets face it, if people weren't 'comparing', would there be genocides? (sorry--didn't mean to get all philosophical there...)
Totally off topic (sue me), but have you considered combining your artistic interests into a single effort? You paint, you write. Will you write about painting or illustrate your own books, at least the covers? Or maybe publish your own collection of art in a book. Just a thought...
ReplyDeleteYeah, Charlie, I thought about a combined effort...I just figure for a girl who has trouble blogging 3x a month, a picture book (or something like you suggest) seems awfully ambitious, lol. But my Marlena just might show up on my cover...we'll see what Rhemalda and their cover designer says...(I actually do get a say in the in the cover design--asked for that as part of the contract...shhh...)
ReplyDeleteYour Marla is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBut I hear what you're saying and I get it. Everyone has their own style and will emphasize different things, so no two people's work will be the same--writing and art. If I really admire something about someone else's writing, I try to incorporate what I admire into my own. I guess I'm saying that I use it as an opportunity now. And I've had people tell me they could never come up with in a million years what I write, so it cuts both ways. I'm sure people look at what you do and feel that same sense of inadequacy.
In sum, you're hardly alone. I often feel the same.
M Pax, I guess none of us create in a vacuum. We are all influenced by other artists and writers and I find no shame in that...just need to get to that place of self-acceptance (that I do visit on occasion) and take up permanent dwelling!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping in! :)
Well said! I do not compare myself to other people. If someone reads my books and compares me to someone, I'll take it as a compliment. But I do not make comparisons in my head. I am my own writer and proud of it!
ReplyDeleteYay! Stephen, simply reading your comment makes me feel all empowered! Who needs that short-term therapy anyway!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by! :)
William Faulkner (whose ghost visits my blog tomorrow) said that we must only compete with ourselves, trying to grow into a better artist today than we were yesterday -- and we do that by daring projects that daunt us.
ReplyDeleteWhich is where the masters come in, he said. We learn technique, style, freedom of expression from them, making those things are own by own use of them.
If you have the time, visit my Insecure Writer post of today and yesterday. Any post that begins with the ghost of Will Rogers atop a bucking Aurora Borealis at least won't be boring. LOL.
Keep your dream alive by knowing your talent and skills are projects in progress, Roland
Art is subjective anyway. Someone else might read that other author's work and think it's poor but love yours.
ReplyDeleteWe just have to aim for OUR level of excellence, not someone else's.
Very well said! We'd never get anything done if we lived by comparisons.
ReplyDeleteRoland, By Faulkner's standard, I must be doing an awful lot of growing because every project daunts me!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, and I really enjoyed your Faulkner piece on your blog this morning :)
Alex, Probably the hardest thing for me is feeling that I've reached any level of excellence without all that external validation. Maybe I will have arrived when I finally feel it independently...
Nut, Yeah, nothing quite as immobilizing as feeling we won't measure up...why try? Yuck!
Comparison can help us grow as writers, but they can also be damaging. In hopes of being as great as our favorite writers, we might unknowingly be copying their style and failing miserably.
ReplyDeleteComparing our work to those of others is yet another thing we creative types seem to get caught up in easily. A timely reminder.
ReplyDeleteexcellent post. every experience is worthwhile. i did surgery on a project so much i killed. but i loved it too much to see it off, so i tore it up and brought it back to life again. i let others go. the difference between making mistakes and making masterpieces are many, i suppose, but one of them is that the artist at some important point must to walk away with his or her club in hand.
ReplyDeleteYat-Yee, It amazes me, how I can have a handle on it and then so easily lapse back into the comparison trap. A constant struggle...
ReplyDeleteEd, So, I'm wondering if the "club in hand" is for beating of the self-defeating doubts...
Stina, I've thought of that too, how we might unknowingly be copying the style of our favorite writer/artist and fail miserably! At any rate, there's a fine line between being inspired by our 'favorites' and unimaginatively copying them.
ReplyDelete